It was not initially my idea, but a heart surging with compassion and with steadfast thoughts of optimism that stated, "Yes, I can do it, at least for a short period of time", I agreed to do it. I was actually looking forward to spending extended time keeping her, allowing a much needed break for Rose.
What I do not like to admit is how overwhelmed I am with tiredness, all my usual daily routines completely tossed out the window, hurled as far as the moon so it feels.
But to have her chubby toddler arms circle my neck and feel her wet kisses on my cheek, to delight in her outgoing emerging perrsonality, and to hear her say "Gamma", I am so in love. And I am glad my heart and thoughts made for the right decision.
I do not function in the lofty, I am embarrassingly pragmatic most of the time, and that is even faced with a certain mien of resoluteness. With that as my future compass, next time I agree to keep her for an extended time it will have different aspects perhaps. But then every month changes with a toddler, it will not look this way ever again.
And as we enjoyed the late September afternoon yesterday, I noticed how tired my garden looked, and I felt I was in like company.
3 comments:
Your heart and head made the best decision they could and you are sowing far more than you realise. I hope you find a good balance of routine, even if it means placing many things aside for a season.
I fear this when we keep 'soon to be born' baby Hazel in January for our daughter in law to go back to graduate school. I understand.
Oh wow, they grow so fast. There is nothing like that cuddle and kiss. I so understand your comments about fatigue....
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