Noteworthy that the day is wet and grey. Not just a misty rain, but a gentle rainfall. We all pulled ourselves out of our beds this morning, thirty minutes before we must head off in the dark to the airport. Alan was going back to his life in Bangkok, and I, for one, was not ready to say good bye. It was so much harder this time...I've known what two years feels like and each year that passes creates deep grooves in me physically as well as emotionally. I had time to ponder this anew during this visit, remembering how far away he truly was going, and how long it would take to get to where he was.
A mother's heart must out of necessity snip the strings that tie her children to her, but they never forget what those tight binding strings of the past felt like. They are as real today as they were thirty years ago when he was placed in my arms for the first time. Those unique strings have been tangling around for quite some time now, and in my perspicacious vision they are free and blowing at times while dangling and tattered at others. Because life is like that.
We came home after we had made a stop at Waffle House (another story altogether...!) where we watched low flying planes in the sky. I stepped into the room he had inhabited for the past twenty-seven days and immersed myself in the mundane busyness of collecting towels, pulling off the sheets, looking at bits and pieces he had left behind...and the warmer clothes he will not need in Thailand. And while Charlotte takes a nap, and a fresh pot of coffee is brewing, I sit here and ponder things so deeply edged into my heart truly I can not even put adequate words to its expression.
2 comments:
Oh the ache.
I know. I do know.
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